Reclaiming Your Power: Living Unapologetically

Do you ever feel like you have to apologize for simply… existing? 

If you do, you’re not alone. 

I spent so much of my life feeling like I had to apologize simply for being a human being who takes up space, who has my own needs and desires, and who has weaknesses. I’ve found myself apologizing for things that aren’t my fault, for things I don’t have control over, for taking up space, and for needing to take care of myself. 

The more I speak with other eldest daughters, the more I realize: so many of us have this same lifelong habit of apologizing for existing. 

Why is this?

Eldest daughters are often conditioned from a young age to soften who we are, shrink ourselves, over-explain, and downplay their needs. We’re taught that it’s selfish to choose ourselves, that it’s rude to say “no” to others, that it’s lazy to take a break, and that it’s wrong to have our own needs and desires. We’re programmed to believe we’re not allowed to have weaknesses, need help, or take up space. 

And because we’re human beings, because we have weaknesses, because we can’t do everything on our own and sometimes need help, because we take up space like every other human being on the planet, we believe we’re doing something wrong. When we choose ourselves, when we say “no,” when we finally put our own needs first, we believe we’re somehow at fault.

So we find ourselves apologizing for existing again and again and again. “I’m sorry” becomes the default response even when we haven’t done anything wrong.

But the cost of living this way is too steep, and we’re done paying for it. Every unnecessary apology chips away at our voice and our sense of worth. It trains us to believe that our presence, our boundaries, our desires — our very selves — are somehow inconveniences. 

We’ve been taught that apologizing makes us likable, that silencing ourselves keeps the peace, and that self-sacrifice proves our worth. But the truth is: none of that honors who we really are.

So starting today, we’re no longer apologizing for existing.

Starting today, we’re reclaiming our power.

Let’s unpack what this means.

We’ve been taught that “power” looks like dominance or control; things that can feel out of reach or even undesirable. But true power isn’t about overpowering others. It’s about being fully present in your own skin and standing in your truth without apology.

Power becomes quiet confidence, a grounded steadiness that says: “I know who I am, and I don’t need to shrink or explain myself.” 

Reclaiming your power isn’t about becoming harsh or unbending or having control over others; it’s about remembering that your presence is enough. When you stop apologizing for existing, you create space to stand tall in your truth and live from a place of grounded strength.

Reclaiming your power means coming home to yourself. 

When you reclaim your power, you shift from people-pleasing to self-honoring. As eldest daughters, we’re often raised to anticipate everyone’s needs before our own. People-pleasing becomes second nature: smoothing over conflict, saying “yes” when we want to say “no,” adding more to our plate so we don’t disappoint someone, or swallowing our truth to keep others comfortable.

But self-honoring is the opposite. It’s choosing to center your needs and limits without guilt. When you shift from people-pleasing to self-honoring, you stop living for approval and you start living in alignment with your own values.

And, of course, boundaries are essential in reclaiming our power. Boundaries are not punishment or barriers; they’re guides that show others how to treat you, and reminders for yourself about what you will and won’t accept. Without them, your energy leaks everywhere: into commitments you resent, relationships that drain you, and responsibilities that aren’t yours to carry. With them, you reclaim your time and your peace.

Here’s the truth about boundaries: they are not walls. They are doorways that keep your energy from being drained.

Walls shut people out. Boundaries, on the other hand, make healthy connection possible. They open the doorway to relationships rooted in mutual respect instead of resentment. When you honor your boundaries, you conserve your energy for what matters most and you stop apologizing for needing space, rest, or time to yourself.

Because reclaiming your power means you’re no longer apologizing for the boundaries you hold to protect your wellbeing.

Every time you say “no” without a ten-minute explanation, you affirm your wellbeing matters. Every time you hold firm to a limit without apologizing, you rewrite the old script that taught you self-sacrifice was love. Reclaiming power is choosing to see boundaries not as selfish, but as sacred acts of self-preservation. 

So how do we break the cycle of over-apologizing?

Apologizing when you’ve done harm is a sign of integrity. But apologizing for existing, for speaking up, or for having needs only keeps you small. Breaking this cycle is about retraining your language and your body.

Here are three practical ways to break the cycle:

🖤 Use Practical Swaps

Instead of saying “sorry for being late,” try: “thank you for waiting.” Instead of “sorry to bother you,” try: “do you have a moment?” These shifts move you from guilt to gratitude and from shame to self-respect.

🖤 Own Your “No” Without Explanation

“No” is a complete sentence. When you stop cushioning your refusal with long justifications, you affirm that your decisions are valid on their own.

🖤 Speak With Clarity Instead of Cushioning Your Truth

Rather than softening your words with qualifiers (“I think maybe…” or “If it’s not too much trouble…”), try stating what you mean with directness. This doesn’t make you harsh—it makes you clear.

When you choose to live unapologetically and reclaim your power, you liberate yourself. Instead of shrinking, you choose to stay rooted in your own truth.

You allow yourself to take up space: emotionally, physically, mentally, and creatively.

And you model to others (especially younger siblings, daughters, and other women) what empowered living looks like.

I’m living proof that your whole life changes for the better when you stop apologizing for existing. That when you reclaim your power, your life becomes more fulfilling and joyous.

Because reclaiming your power is not selfish. It’s essential to your wellbeing and happiness.

And every time you live unapologetically, you rewrite what’s possible for the women who come after you.